Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Opening the Unseen Heart

OPENING THE UNSEEN HEART

Book Review of Kenneth A. Kimmel’s EROS AND THE SHATTERING GAZE: TRANSCENDING NARCISSISM.

By Elizabeth Clark-Stern

What a feast for the mind, to encounter Kenneth Kimmel’s timely book. I was in the airport this past May, and saw the cover of Newsweek. A quite innocent-looking baby pig stared out at the camera. The title: What Makes Men Act Like Pigs. I bought the issue, and kicked myself when the contents provided no substantive analysis. I was hungry for an exploration beyond a re-cap of the public behaviors of famous men. I also wanted a narrative that offered a larger vision of the historic human malady of the narcissistic male.

Eros and the Shattering Gaze is that book.

Kimmel takes us on a sumptuous journey, using the vibrant medium of myth, movies, clinical vignettes, and contemporary portraits of such luminaries as Carl Jung and Bill Clinton, both of whom struggled with their own narcissism. Down, down we go into the shattered self that begins at the doorstep of the wounded mother-son relationship.

And yet, this is no linear Oedipal tale. The beauty of Kimmel’s approach is its multi-dimensionality. I found myself reading the book as if entering a series of caves or tunnels connecting to vitally diverse castles, shaman’s huts, or suburban houses above ground. Just as I thought I had come upon a “definitive” theory, a new chamber would open, and an unconsidered perspective enriched all that had gone before.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Just Published: Tantra and Erotic Trance

Oct 15, 2012 - News Release
Just Published - John Ryan Haule's 
Tantra and Erotic Trance in two volumes.

Tantra and Erotic Trance
Volume One - Outer Work
Human sexuality is a problematic thing.  It gets us into trouble, breaks our hearts, involves us in painful compulsive relationships, even transmits deadly diseases.  It would surely scare us off, if it were not for its siren call to higher forms of union and moments of bodily bliss.  When examined more closely, however, and especially when we turn our gaze inward to see what sexual arousal is doing to our consciousness, we find we are in an altered state—a form of “erotic trance” that reveals dimensions of ourselves, our partner, and possibilities for human life that otherwise would not have been discovered.

Procreative sex forms the foundation of the nuclear family and the glue that holds society together—what we might call the “horizontal” potential of sex.  Tantra, however, is about its “vertical” dimension—about “tuning” our awareness to bring higher, spiritual realities into focus. It all begins by mastering our bodily reflexes.  This first volume of Tantra and Erotic Trance deals with the preliminary stages of mastery and the transformations of consciousness that they make possible.  The whole project is imagined as a ladder with its feet on the earth and its top leaning into Indra’s heaven.  Each rung represents a new level of awareness, a mastery of what just the rung below had appeared to us as a poorly understood gift.

Volume One - Outer Work
ISBN 978-0-9776076-8-6
9.25 x 7.5 x .75
226 pages
Index, Bibliography
Publication Date November 1, 2012


Tantra and Erotic Trance
Volume Two - Inner Work
In the first volume of Tantra and Erotic Trance we learned to overcome the ejaculatory reflex and go “beyond orgasm,” and in turn were introduced to aspects of our awareness that otherwise might have gone unnoticed. Holding ourselves in a state of longing where nothing needs be done, we learn the transpersonal potential of “erotic trance,” inhabiting the body and mind of our partner as well as our own. We become acquainted with an inner force that has a will of its own, the serpent of light that India calls “kundalini.” By now, every step we have taken has separated us from the cultural assumptions of our society and aroused disturbing emotions and images. Facing them down in calm openness calls kundalini forth as our ally, clarifies our emotional responses and gives us a new stance toward life.

Now in this second volume of Tantra and Erotic Trance, we find that the “diamond ladder of mystical ascent” is no longer “out there” in bodily congress or social expectations. Its “rungs,” instead, are the series of chakras through which the kundalini serpent rises. Each chakra that opens brings us into a different visionary world and a different emotional state. We begin in the heaviness of earth and rise through tumultuous waters and the fires of rage before entering the lightness of air and the endless expanse of ether. Indra’s heaven is finally visited in the brow chakra, and we become one with the cosmos at the crown chakra. The ultimate goal, however, is to climb back down and live on the earth with our experience intact so that every empirical event is charged with transcendent meaning.

Volume Two - Inner Work
ISBN 978-0-9776076-9-3
9.25 x 7.5 x .75
226 pages
Index, Bibliography
Publication Date November 1, 2012

John Ryan Haule
holds a doctorate in religious studies from Temple University. He is a Jungian analyst trained in Zurich and a faculty member of the C.G. Jung Institute-Boston. In addition to Tantra and Erotic Trance I and II, his publications include: Divine Madness: Archetypes of Romantic Love; The Love Cure: Therapy Erotic and Sexual; Perils of the Soul: Ancient Wisdom and the New Age; The Ecstasies of St. Francis: The Way of Lady Poverty; and Jung in the 21st Century, in two volumes: Evolution and Archetype and Synchronicity and Science.

Fisher King Press publishes an eclectic mix of worthy books including 
Jungian Psychological Perspectives, Cutting-Edge Fiction, Poetry, 
and a growing list of alternative titles. 

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Tantra & Erotic Trance


June 26, 2012 - News Release

Fisher King Press to publish John Ryan Haule's Tantra & Erotic Trance in two volumes.

Tantra & Erotic Trance
Volume One - Outer Work

A recurring metaphor Tantra & Erotic Trance is that of the ladder of mystical ascent, sometimes called the “diamond” ladder, evoking the Tibetan concept of dorje and the Hindu lingam but especially the diamond body of Buddhism.  An ascent is described, beginning in the very first chapters where controversies about sex lead to the conclusion that human sexuality has both a horizontal meaning as the foundation of the nuclear family in a stable society and a vertical meaning as the engine of consciousness change in Tantra.

We embark on the vertical path only by developing a new relationship with our body, in fact reversing some of the assumptions most of us take for granted.  This first volume, “Outer Work,” describes the influence our body can have on our consciousness, beginning with a new valuation of orgasm and its role in human sexuality.  We also learn that being separated from our partner can be no less important than being together.  Finally, Tantra takes us into conflict with the values of society at large and recommends an heroic stance in which we court the most disturbing and overwhelming emotions in a spirit of equanimity.  The first volume ends with the reforms of the great tenth century devotee of Shiva, Abhinavagupta, who urged his disciples to turn their attention away from the outer forms of their practices and to attend instead to the changes occurring in their consciousness.

Abhinavagupta made the essential mystical move recognized in every religious tradition:  that we must learn to reverse our attention, away from the deity or sacred object before us to the effects such beings cause in our awareness.  His contribution, then, becomes the foundation for Volume Two, “Inner Work.”

Volume One - Outer Work
ISBN 978-0-9776076-8-6
9.25 x 7.5 x .75
Est. 215 pages
Index, Bibliography
Publication Date November 15, 2012

* * * * *

Tantra & Erotic Trance
Volume Two - Inner Work

In Volume One of this study, “Outer Work,” we described managing our orgasmic response so as to cultivate “erotic trance,” the altered state of consciousness that is the foundation of all Tantric activity;  and we used it to climb the “diamond ladder” of mystical ascent to a rung characterized by the management of overwhelming emotions.

Now in Volume Two, “Inner Work,” we turn our attention away from “outer” goals having to do with our physiology and our relation to society at large and its prescriptions, to the much more subtle “interior” changes occurring in our consciousness.  Continuing our climb up the rungs of the diamond ladder, we are introduced to the landscape of mysticism, a topography whose several regions are each characterized by the mastery of a different psychological capacity.

Yoga gives us an interior ladder in the form of the subtle body that is comprised of the chakras, each of which opens onto a distinctly different emotional realm.  In this work our “feeling function” becomes highly differentiated.  Tibetan mandala meditation disciplines our imaginative capacity, as we bring the heavenly palace of copulating gods and goddesses into being.  By cultivating emptiness, we pare away our attachments to the memories that have been holding us back and the aspirations that narrow our future so that we can dwell in the present moment, without the props of doctrine and method.

Passing beyond our personal self, we are introduced to the divine oneness of the cosmos, pulsing between accomplished union and the vision of that with which we are united.  We return from such ecstasy to live our temporal lives on two planes simultaneously as spiritual wayfarers.

John Ryan Haule holds a doctorate in religious studies from Temple University. He is a Jungian analyst trained in Zurich and is a faculty member of the C.G. Jung Institute-Boston.

Volume Two - Inner Work
ISBN 978-0-9776076-9-3
9.25 x 7.5 x .75
Est. 220 pages
Index, Bibliography
Publication Date November 15, 2012

Fisher King Press publishes an eclectic mix of worthy books including 
Jungian Psychological Perspectives, Cutting-Edge Fiction, Poetry, 
and a growing list of alternative titles. 

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Archetypes of Romantic Love

Divine Madness: Archetypes of Romantic Love examines the transforming experience of romantic love in literature, myth, religion, and everyday life. John Ryan Haule holds a doctorate in religious studies from Temple University. He is a Jungian analyst trained in Zurich and is a faculty member of the C.G. Jung Institute-Boston.

 “John R. Haule’s wonderful study of Romantic Love... is a first-rate psychological, literary and spiritual study... The author’s passion and courage in delving into his own experience... makes reading it a powerful experience in its own right.... One cannot help seeing oneself reflected in the magic mirror of Haule’s study and deriving light and succor therefrom. This is one of the rarest of books—one that really does speak to the heart as well as to the mind.” —Timothy O’Neill, Gnosis Magazine

 “The author brings us wonderful stories from all over the world that point to the lover’s task: to see through to the soul of the beloved. Even our tangled relationships hide this task in their sufferings. Even the love of God brings us to this work. A moving and helpful book.” —Ann Belford Ulanov, Christiane Brooks Johnson Professor of Psychiatry and Religion, Union Theological Seminary

 “Haule has the clear eye of an analyst, the spirit of a theologian, and the heart of a troubadour. His lyrical prose invites the reader into the depths and breadth of romantic love by exploring its rich and varied imagery in literature and music. ...There are some little surprise jewels tucked in and under the main theme, such as some fresh definitions of classical Jungian concepts.” —Elizabeth S. Strahan, Past President of the C.G. Jung Institute in Los Angeles

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Animus, O Animus!

by Deldon Anne McNeely

Animus, O Animus, wherefore art thou, Animus? Please step forward out of the shadows, out from behind the dark foliage which camouflages you, into the moonlight, and show yourself to be a true, substantial bridegroom.

Or must I play this scene alone, foolish in my belief that this soliloquy finds an audience? Alas, who speaks? Is it I or you? Aren’t you the Word? The one who insists on clarity? So why am l out here alone on this balcony and you invisible? True, I’m the one who wants togetherness; perhaps by withholding yourself you flush me out so you can see me clearly. How do I get what I need from you? How do I even know what I need from you? You’re supposed to be the assertive one. Am I at your mercy, waiting to be overtaken? And if you come, who in me stands up to you? Can you bear to look me in the eye, or must I feign indifference? Do you respond to honesty, or only to coyness, or, worse yet, must I treat you sadistically to reassure you that you’re dispensable, in order to keep your attention?

Are you loyal? Will you lead me to the true center, or mislead me into folly? Will you fructify me or leave me alone and barren? How can I know your voice? Will I find you in the world, or only through renouncing the world? What, of me, are you? Where, in me, are you? Do you exist outside of the imaginative schemas of nineteenthcentury men?

My confusion about you stems partly from the fact that your functions, as supposed by analytical psychology, sound mightily like “ego,” as we have generally come to define it in heroic terms. Come to think of it, you sound quite a bit like “God,” when It is Whom the patriarchal worlds describe as He. If you are Logos, whose voice speaks you? The voice of reason? The voice of conscience? The voice of the Holy Spirit? The voice of We, the People? The voice of one crying in the desert, “Prepare ye the way of the Lord”? All of the above? Does the heroine exist who is not under your spell? How can you connect me to my Deity, the One who is both male and female, creator and destroyer, now and forever, indivisible?

In trying to understand where the animus lives in the psyche of a woman, it may be helpful first of all to place it in relationship to ego. In Jung’s schema, the ego consists of all we are conscious of being. That which we exclude is defined as shadow. Anima and animus are subsumed under the shadow in early life, and are gradually brought into conscious focus through experience and introspection. At first we cannot differentiate these structures of the psyche, nor can we tell which is functioning through our outward behavior.
A generation ago this sexist little rhyme didn’t raise an eyebrow:
What are little girls made of? What are little girls made of? 
Sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls aremade of. 
What are little boys made of? What are little boys made of? 
Snakes and snails and puppy dog tails, that’s what little boys are made of.
Many children today would consider it strange. As one thoughtful child said to me, “It sounds very stereotypical.” It is an extreme form of stereotyping, but subtle variations of this sort of thing continue to subliminally teach that “boys will be boys” and girls will not. By such conditioning girls and boys gradually form egos that accept certain characteristics as their own and eliminate others. At first what is deemed unacceptable is not only different, but bad. Only with experience do the qualities of the opposite sex which we find within become tolerable as something potentially valuable.

Animus is the archetypal masculine principle as it exists in a woman. When Jung conceived the term, the stereotyping of females and males into consistent gender roles and characteristics made the masculine principle as it exists in a woman easier to define than it is today. Jung assumed that the consciousness of a woman is identified by her biological sexual being; having the external genitalia of a female automatically meant having the ego of a female. Anima was who you were, and animus was who you eliminated from your self-definition. In that case, the experience of the unconscious would be perceived by the female in terms of otherness, and this otherness would be masculine.

The animus, an archetype unknowable in itself, manifests in three ways: through cultural expression, through biological influence, and through recurrent events in the history of the individual. While the biological influences on maleness and femaleness have not changed to any obvious degree since Jung’s time, enormous cultural changes are occurring in the perception of the sexes.

Think about how our culture has presented the concept of what is “masculine” over the past hundred years. Many of our notions of masculine values remain unchanged. We admire strength of character and physical prowess in men. Yet many men today are not afraid of appearing vulnerable, of cultivating emotional intimacy in relationships with both men and women, of being present to birth and nurture children, of questioning traditional macho social forms, of grooming and dressing themselves in ways once reserved for women. Occupations formerly considered masculine-senior management, the judiciary, clergy and military, to name but a few-are no longer the prerogative of men.

Think about the great differences in the personal history of many women today, compared to women of a hundred years ago: exposure to many more men, and to different types of men; greater intimacy and communications with men; greater access to education and jobs; many more opportunities fostering independence; more support for self-assertion and creative expression.

Cultural changes in the past century have led to further differentiation of the issues surrounding sexual identity. It is now popularly held that biological sexual identity consists of factors beyond those that produce the external genitalia, that hormonal influences of both sexes exist in all humans, and that the external genitalia do not in every instance mirror the dominance of the sexual hormones. It is possible to be male or female genitally while having a range of contrasexual physiological characteristics (breast size, facial hair, voice timbre, muscular apportionment, etc.).

Complicating this is the fact that cultural conditioning has a strong influence on how biological males and females experience their masculinity and femininity. A hundred years ago the cultural factors were so strong that biological preferences were overridden by gender expectations. Choices that we have come to take for granted in the expression of gender roles were not possible. Jane Wheelwright, taught and analyzed by Jung, commented on this cultural change:
Women of the educated younger generations on the whole are independent, energetic, up-front, experimental. They handle their legitimate anger, assert their honest opinions and make necessary objections. In my day, a woman behaving in this way would have been condemned as an animus hound and indeed would have been acting and speaking out of society’s collective animus. When caught by that collective pressure, ie., when she expressed female potential that society had arbitrarily dumped into the animus category, woman would be forced to function from out of the animus complex, doing its bidding, instead of doing the bidding of her own biological ego. Her good qualities, when commandeered and distorted by the animus complex would have made her unrelated instead of independent; compulsive instead of energetic. She would have been devious, not upfront, fearful instead of experimental, hostile but not legitimately angry, opinionated rather than presenting her viewpoint. To put it bluntly she would have been objectionable instead of objecting. The primary business of the animus is to be a creative tool. Its secondary role is to give the necessary stamina to all endeavors. When the animus is overloaded with what does not belong to it, it takes on a negative stance, spilling over and destroying relationships. For this reason I feel knowledge of the animus is important today for women of all ages. (For Women Growing Older, pp. 52-53.)
Previously men strived to live up to society’s expectation that they become husbands, fathers, aggressors, even though they might have no inclination or ability to do so. Women with no desire for motherhood were forced to live out their lives feeling like failures or withdrawing, usually in some noncreative way. There were courageous or accidental exceptions, but few people of either sex could find realistic models for nonconventional identities. There are always people with a seemingly innate talent for individuation who are able to go their own staunch way without obvious models or support, although on close examination there usually exists in their history a very strong, supportive parent who imbues a healthy spirit of conviction and high self-esteem. Such individuals live by their dreams and instincts without collective encouragement, and they forge new routes for all of us.

There were, therefore, women who not only survived but excelled in masculine fields of interest during Jung’s day, even though they probably met with disapproval or animosity; and there were men who lived productive lives out of the anima. But on the whole, most men and women at least put forth the appearance of living up to the expectations set upon them by society, or they withdrew. This meant that Jung was accurate in observing that the unconscious personality of a woman was represented by the masculine principle, which combined all those qualities we associate with yang and Logos.

Today, many of those qualities—assertiveness, clarity of ideation, logical intellect, articulateness of mental processes, drive, etc.—are modeled for women by individuals of either sex. These psychological capacities include mental and emotional factors that were once ascribed to males exclusively, and when these ego-strengths became obvious in women, women often denied or hid them. Men, meanwhile, denied or hid their capacities for fantasy, receptivity, contemplation and other qualities which in some circles were considered sissified, but which today we see as particular strengths of the yin ego, whether in man or woman.

These cultural changes complicate the task of understanding what the female biological ego really is, and what the animus, as “other,” is. Theoretically, the animus is a psychological function mediating between a woman’s ego and the unconscious. In Jung’s model of the psyche, the persona mediates between the ego and the outer world, while the contrasexual archetypes, anima and animus, are essentially guides to the inner world. On the journey of individuation, one must come to terms with the shadow before being able to relate in a conscious way to the anima and animus.

As archetypal feminine and masculine principles, anima and animus have a timeless place in every human psyche. The dominant archetype does not always match a person’s biological sex. Anima values usually dominate the conscious psyche of a woman, but not in every woman, and not in every life situation. To illustrate the complexity of this, here is a description of three women, all in their twenties, who do not fit the usual picture.

Becky, a young woman from a large family, has had problems relating to her alcoholic mother all her life. Her father is a likable but ineffectual man. When Becky entered therapy she was depressed and anxious. She worked as a teacher and had just been through her first relationship with a man, which had ended in her being rejected.

Becky repeatedly dreamed of herself as a male, usually in the role of rescuing a female. The recurrence of the masculine dream ego suggested that Becky identified with men, and indeed, she had been a tomboy, had not dated at all until recently and had never had a satisfying sexual relationship. The recurrent theme of rescue suggested a repressed feminine side that called out for recognition.

She had not been in therapy for long when she met and fell in love with a young man. They were immediately compatible sexually and in every other way, and after a year of courtship they married and moved away. I do not have information about her dreams since then. I do know that after several years she was still happily married. Her identification on some level with men did not prevent Becky from making a conventional adjustment as a woman. She had not been in therapy long enough to assume that this was due to therapy. One can only surmise that when the conditions were favorable and she felt supported and safe, her feminine ego was accessible for a mature relationship.

Dana, in contrast, always a tomboy also, remembered having excited feelings about girls from the time she began school. She adamantly refused to wear dresses from an early age, and after a few years of high school dating which she found distasteful, declared herself a lesbian.

Dana’s dreams in the early stage of therapy often presented her as a person harassed and persecuted by unsavory women. It seemed as if her conscious ego was male, so that even though her dream ego pictured her in a female body, she saw the “other” as women aggressors. The opposite sex, still fused with a persecutory shadow, was female. Dana’s relationship with her mother appeared to be positive; however, her early life was fraught with chaotic changes through divorces, marriages, moves, and animosity between her several sets of parents.

Marie, like Becky, was one of many children of a domineering mother. She earned attention from her powerful and often absent father by excelling in sports. Although she was very attracted to men and boys as a young girl, she fell in love with a female celebrity and entered into a long-term relationship with her. Defining herself as lesbian, she was later surprised to find herself attracted to strong men and frequently propositioned by authority figures. She entered therapy, confused and anxious, after several relationships with men had come close to being consummated. She repeatedly dreamed about figures entering her bedroom, which frightened her and woke her before they could be identified. She found herself attracted to both men and women; she was afraid of being intimate with men, though in fantasy this excited her.

These examples, typical of issues raised by patients today, reflect changing roles and values, and changing images of the structure of the psyche. Psychology does not dictate normality, it studies the data presented by life. Today’s women are vibrant though confused, open and questioning, unwilling to have answers foisted upon them.

It has been the special talent of women historically to follow and discriminate between the nuances and important details of relatedness. Forced into positions of waiting, of observing cyclical patterns of nature in their own physiological and emotional movements, and of remaining centered in the face of demands of children and men, women have had opportunities to observe these nuances for ages. Now they have more opportunities to express those observations.

Rachel Eliza Mann, for instance, a bright and creative graduate student in her twenties, struggles for integrity and awareness in her relationships with family, friends and romantic partners. The following poem explores aspects of dream figures and herself, including her masculine side. The kind of differentiation in fantasy represented here pays off in encounters in the outer world by preparing the ego for the tasks of sorting, unraveling, spinning and weaving that take place in the psyche during the course of a relationship.
The lynx paces within its cage,
The lunatic waits outside the door.
Who is kept outside, who kept in?
The second man makes love to one woman.
Hands and lips wander like a meandering ant,
an answering, a needing, a waiting. 
The first man’s right hand opens up the door.
So invited, the lunatic comes in.
The lynx leaps, quivering and ready.
She is opened up, the second man enters in.
She dives alone into the Blue Hole,
only her left hand keeping hold. 
The lynx dissolves into leaves.
The lunatic crosses the river into the hall.
The first man serves him porcupine stew.
The second man plunges to her roots.
The ant finds its queen.
She takes hold and enters him. 
“Two Loves, an Ant, a Lynx, and a Lunatic” (unpublished).
Confusion about what is animus and what is ego occurs because ego-functions as defined by psychologists are subject to the bias of male dominance. I have come to use the terms “yin-ego” and “yang-ego” to emphasize the fact that because the ego has struggled to differentiate itself from the unconscious does not mean that all ego functions must be heroic. In fact, such an ego would be maladaptive and self-destructive over time.

Energy itself cannot be identified as masculine. The uroboros may seem feminine to the male, but as the Great Spirit/Matter, it is androgynous, the organizing Self that drives the ego, as Dylan Thomas’s “force that through the green fuse drives the flower.” To view the ego’s creation from the unconscious as an image of birth from a mother, one would have to note that the creative phallus of the father was an essential aspect of the unconscious fruition, and that the fetus not only initiates but also passively receives the process. Ego is not, then, necessarily yang; it has feminine characteristics from the beginning. Though the yin-ego is by definition passive, passivity is not without energy. Yin qualities enable the ego to reflect, image, contain, generalize and empathize, and to embrace one’s frailty.

So entwined have the characteristics of animus and ego become that many psychologists define ego strength entirely in terms of masculine adjectives. What women perceive as strength has at times been considered weakness when judged by male values. Indeed, people of both sexes have been hospitalized as severely disturbed for behavior that could be judged as heroic from the standpoint of the yin-ego. A contemplative lifestyle, for instance, unless practiced under the aegis of a religious institution, would be considered abnormal by some psychologists’ standards. A religious attitude in itself has been criticized as a form of weakness, a delusional system to avoid the pain of mortality, according to those who define “normality” as extroverted and rational. Yin ego-consciousness seems to be imaginal and synthesizing, and yang ego-consciousness factual and analytical.

Good parenting requires much yin energy. Young children need waiting for, not hurrying; to have all their feelings held, not judged; to be contained, not driven. Yang-consciousness, oriented toward the future and efficiency, has difficulty here. I have found it easiest to catch my negative animus when I have been hurrying--then I have been most unkind and unconnected to my children. Our schools often reward only the yang ego, and the child who reflects yin experience is misplaced. A bright, introverted child of ten told me she found school going too quickly for her. “When the teacher says something that reminds me of something else, my mind wants to think of it; but if I do, then I find the rest of the class goes on to something else and I am lost.” That is how the creative thought process becomes discouraged. Parents often judge themselves harshly for lacking patience. It is understandable, for yin-consciousness has been poorly modeled and unsupported, except in rare subcultures.

A brilliant woman told me she was considered retarded by her early teachers, not an unusual situation. Neglected, unkempt, the child of alcoholic parents, she was noticed, tested (IQ, 70), tolernted, but never touched until her second-grade teacher bothered to sit close to her and teach her to read with their fingers touching the book. This was all it took for the awakening to happen. Because that teacher shared a moment of grace with her, enabling her to feel received and not judged, her intellect was able to flourish.
I have learned to fail. And I have had my say.
Yet shall I sing until my voice crack (this being my leisure, this my holiday)
That man was a special thing and no commodity, a thing improper to be sold.
Edna St. Vincent Millay, from “Lines Written in Recapitulation,” Collected Poems, p. 384.
The confusion caused by the defining of ego in predominantly masculine terms has led some psychologists to wonder whether the term “ego” is useful at all, and whether the psyche can be conceived of as egoless, without a “monotheism of consciousness.” (See James Hillman, Anima: An Anatomy of a Personified Notion, pp. 177-181.)
My own practice is to think of ego as representing yin/yang features, because phenomenologically we are so accustomed to the experience of a central, organized aspect of the personality which can contain awareness of many parts, that it is difficult to imagine an egoless personality structure maneuvering its way between polarities.

Every woman contains within her psyche the masculine principle, though it may be very repressed. The better the relationship to the masculine principle, the more the woman is able to use animus qualities in appropriate ways throughout her life, and the less conflict she has about doing so. This means that in most women the masculine principle will be experienced as “other,” but the relationship to that “other” may be quite positive.

When the principle of the opposite sex is dominant and unconscious, it obliterates the functioning of the ego and results in problems, especially in close relationships. But the more experience the ego has in dialogue with the contrasexual principle, the more egosyntonic the relationship with the contrasexual partner becomes and the more choices one has in one’s repertoire of conscious behavior. This is why male-female relationships in the outer world promote the blending of yin-yang qualities in the personalities of both men and women. Without the opportunity for positive outer experiences, one has to work harder to come to good terms with the inner partner.

It is still possible, however, to have a good relationship with the contrasexual archetype without much contact with outer-world partners, if one is aware of the capacity to use information from the unconscious to understand this powerful inner partner.

It has been said of Emily Dickinson that she, with Walt Whitman, “all but invented American poetry.” (Ellman and O’Clair, Norton Anthology, p. 33.) She was, in her “strange, explosive ponderings,” prolific, but during her lifetime of reticence and obscurity, only eight of her 1800 poems were published. She said of her awesome father—a lawyer, congressman, treasurer of Amherst College—”His heart was pure and terrible, and I think no other like it exists.” She could not bear to attend his funeral; she listened to it alone in an upstairs bedroom. Her mother, kind, patient, pious and sickly, evoked condescension and even contempt from Emily, who hated the social duties of housekeeping and sewing imposed on women.

Dickinson left home at seventeen to attend Mt. Holyoke, a few miles away, but returned home, never to leave, before the year was up.

We know of two men with whom Emily Dickenson corresponded, but, like her sister, she never married. Some cataclysm occurred in her inner life around 1861, an event only indirectly referred to in her poetry but probably having to do with an experience of unrequited love. From that time on, her poetry changed. She seemed to have been transformed from girl to woman. In spite of a seemingly uneventful life on the surface, she left a treasure of inner riches. . .

You have just read an excerpt from Animus Aeternus by Deldon Anne McNeely

Using some of the more enigmatic poems of the 20th century as guideposts, Deldon Anne McNeely explores the poetry of Sylvia Plath, Adrienne Rich, Teresa of Avila, Emily Dickinson, Mary Oliver, Edna St. Vincent Millay, Anna Akhmatova, and others whose works have had an indelible impact on the evolving world soul. This is literary criticism taken to another level--the level of psyche. Once again, with her hard-won wisdom deeply rooted in soul, Jungian analyst Deldon Anne McNeely delivers -- embedded within the stories of this finely crafted book, one finds redemption and liberation. Some will mirror your own story--other tales will be about those you love. Animus Aeternus is a worthy companion for any modern-day woman.



Fisher King Press publishes an eclectic mix of worthy books including 
Jungian Psychological Perspectives, Cutting-Edge Fiction, Poetry, 
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Thursday, July 7, 2011

Eros and the Shattering Gaze: An Introduction

I want to be able to fly. I want to hover around you like a winged Cupid in attendance on his Goddess. (1)

From The Golden Ass by Apuleius. Lucius here pleads with his lover, a witch’s apprentice, to steal a magical potion so that he can be transformed into a god. Instead, he is given the form of an ass and must submit himself to an existence as a loathsome beast of burden.

We live in a time and culture predisposed toward life at the surface. Ours is a society that privileges eternal youth and beauty, consumer-driven instant gratification, and narcissistic preoccupation with self-centeredness, not self reflection. Like Narcissus we often look no deeper than the reflection in the mirror, seeing only skin-deep beauty, never daring to know our own—nor the other’s, inner depths.

Contemporary thought has attempted to respond to this cultural climate that, in the words of Stephen Frosh, “[fights] against the deepening of relationships [and love], against feeling real.”(2) Psychoanalysis, analytical psychology, and philosophy have addressed the contemporary individual’s crises of the heart, separation from authenticity, and repudiation of the other. They offer a variety of viewpoints on the problem of narcissism, from its ontological and healthy conformations to its pathological forms, and its grandiose illusions leading to growth or to defense.

Jacques Lacan’s notion of the mirror stage helps us to understand the essential alienation inherent in narcissism and its search for perfection in an idealized image of another. Lacan describes a moment in infancy when the six-month-old child “recognizes” himself in the mirror and falsely identifies the reflection as an image of the unified wholeness and mastery he does not in fact possess. In that moment, the infant, with his smiling mother’s assent, is lured into an illusion of false certainty and omnipotence that splits him off from his fragmented body/self with its accompanying experiences of terror and uncertainty.

Lacan’s conception of the mirror sequence describes the way a mental construction of a perfect, alienating identity can originate, separating the infant from his own insufficient self image. The I itself that takes form here is an artificial representation, a self split between its idealized mirror image and the raw truth of human existence.(3) It is not difficult to imagine, then, how this narcissistic ideal can be later projected onto objects of desire who mirror this ideal.

Narcissism is not limited to the psychology of individuals. American culture, politics, and its recent national wounding uncannily mirror these narcissistic phenomena. The Patriot Act and the War on Terror can be seen as unconscious fantasies enacted upon the world stage. In this post-September 11 world many individuals err on the side of security and rigid borders, thereby sacrificing freedom, relationality, and dimensionality. Nor is narcissism merely a contemporary phenomenon. Literature and history provide ample illustrations of the historical and cultural contexts underlying the problem of narcissism and the way it is transcended.

The essence of narcissism is the repudiation of the other in its differences. Sometimes this takes the form of appropriating the other under the guise of romantic love, and sometimes it takes the form of casting out the other to protect the vulnerable self. In these pages I attempt to present a theory of the transcendence of narcissism, in which the humble capacity to love comes about through the surrender of the self to the shattering truth of the other.

• • • • •

Western culture’s most ancient tale of love, “Psyche and Amor,” which forms part of Apuleius’ The Golden Ass, will introduce us to these dynamics. The story features a leading man—Amor, the very personification of Love—whose amorous desires are so embedded in narcissism that he never dares to reveal himself to the object of his passion. The couple, Psyche and Amor, remains suspended in a dark fusion removed from life until Psyche has finally had enough; the illusion is pierced and shattered, and loss ensues. Emerging from his state of wounding, Amor comes in a new way to the side of his beloved, the mortal human Psyche, his act signifying the inner “awakening of the sleeping soul through love,” as James Hillman puts it.(4) How many hundreds of modern romantic dramas follow in the train of the Tale of Psyche and Amor, telling the story of the selfish or hardened man who uses everyone, then loses everything, but then finds a woman from whom he learns how to love?

More than a millennium later, the tales of medieval courtly romances portray the fate of lovers whose longing for oneness can be realized not on earth but only in their sacrificial death and reunion in Heaven. These are tragedies portraying an idealized longing for true love that can never be sustained in our flawed human condition.

The blissful fantasy of everlasting union merely conceals the face of narcissism. This romantic ideal privileges the allure of the lovers’ paradise over the enduring struggles in human relationships in all their vicissitudes. These are the romantic fantasies of a happily-ever-after ending, illusions ultimately deriving from childhood experiences. Time and again, lovers plunge blindly into brief enthrallments that are doomed to failure, yet hold fast to their unquestioned, cherished beliefs, and to a faith in an idyllic innocence that is inevitably shattered. Young lovers blindly enter marriage with the fantasy that romantic love will endure forever. But predictably, when the burning fires of first love’s desires have cooled to warm embers, many men devalue the apparently known quantity at home and look to a passionate love affair with a mysterious other, in which to be absorbed. For the narcissist this process signals the avoidance of human relationship in its fullness, rife with difficulties, limitations, and ethical responsibilities, in favor of the grandiose illusion of ecstatic oneness and freedom from all pain.

Ultimately the narcissistic avoidance of the difficulties of life arises in response to a primal experience—the inevitable wounding and loss suffered in the earliest infant-mother relationship. Thus narcissistic dynamics are deeply impacted by the experience of trauma. Psychological wounds too devastating to bear are reflexively partitioned and buried, while simultaneously, reactionary wars of retaliation against one’s pain are staged in order to provide safeguards from disavowed shame and profound vulnerabilities. Throughout life grandiose fantasies in all their forms will magically supplant the experience of unbearable vulnerability, literally obliterating it.

These clinical themes are richly amplified by cultural signifiers found in the myths and mysteries of antiquity and from the medieval Tales of Courtly Love through the literature of the mystics and Romantics, to Gothic horror stories and modern romances from contemporary popular culture. These provide the historical and cultural contexts for the contemporary problem of narcissism as well as its transcendence.

As we will see, Levinas’s postmodern philosophy describes the way the encounter with the ineffable Face of the Other shocks and deconstructs the sameness and narcissism within eros, freeing the subject to assume an enduring responsibility for the other from which new and transcendent capacities to love may be envisioned.

• • • • •

My theory of the transcendence of narcissism is based on the work of two men: C. G. Jung and the philosopher Emmanuel Levinas. Jung’s theory of the complexes illuminates two vital concepts that are threaded throughout this book: the ego’s primitive identification with the negative or overly positive aspects of the Mother, and the relationship of the puer aeternus, the eternal boy, with his split-off counterpart, the senex, the old man. We can see how these complexes come about by observing the characters in Apuleius’ The Golden Ass, which contains the immortal “Tale of Psyche and Amor.” The path through which they are overcome leads from the romantic, narcissistic, predatory preoccupations of what I call the mother-bound man to the wound that shatters the isolation of his standpoint. Through the work of the transcendent function this shattering may culminate in the emergence of empathic dimensions of emotion and a humble yet still masculine standpoint.

One of the ways this book contributes to the development of contemporary analytic psychology is through the cross-fertilization of Jungian and contemporary psychoanalytic ideas. For instance, I argue that narcissistic defenses arise not after the development of the complexes, but prior to them. The puer aeternus psychology described by Jung comes into being in reaction to the narcissistic defenses that have appropriated the infant’s most archaic, unsignifiable complex—the mother. These narcissistic defenses encapsulate the infant’s ego, protecting it from experiences reminiscent of its original loss of maternal containing. Another original area of contribution may be found in my analysis of the Grail Legend, where I view von Eschenbach’s Parzival through the lens of eros development in its dual guise, as both a narcissistic and wounding process and one that is relational and healing.

The work of the French philosopher Emmanuel Levinas provides the second major source for my theory of how narcissism may be transcended. A traumatic encounter with an utterly unknowable, transcendent Other(5)—sometimes initiated by analytical work or psychotherapy—may violently shatter the narcissistic illusions that maintain, among other things, the individual’s endless, romantically driven projections and erotic fantasies. There is therefore a painful, even violent, yet redemptive potential to the wounding. Levinas’s postmodern philosophy is essential to an understanding of this kind of encounter with the Other by a subject; he too emphasizes its capacity to decenter the ego’s “solipsism”—the belief that the self is the only reality and the only thing that we can be certain of. Levinas attempts to describe this shift from an ego-centered view of the universe as something that defies understanding or category. All religious experience perhaps stems from such a primordial awareness. His ethical philosophy, informed by the Holocaust in which his entire family was murdered, centers upon the “relation of infinite responsibility to the other person.”(6) Levinas provides a profound insight into the dangers of how individuals can be so easily subsumed in the vision of a tyrannical utopia which he often refers to as a “totality.”

To Levinas, the Other is unknowable, ineffable, ungraspable, tormenting, enigmatic, infinite, irreducible, sacred. Its mere trace can only be glimpsed interpersonally or intersubjectively—a term defining a psychological experience created between individuals. The Other does not originate in the psyche. It is infinite, already there, before subject or object exists, and our subjective awareness of it comes through the primacy of its impact upon us. It transcends subjective being, defies our concepts or categories, and cannot be engulfed or appropriated by ego consciousness.(7)

As Levinas would say, the trace of the Other is glimpsed in the irreducible “face of the human other,” who is revealed in (her) vulnerability, sacredness, and nakedness.(8) In Levinas’s ethical view, one’s responsibility emerges from the trauma he feels for the useless suffering and destitution of the one now standing before him. He is taken hostage to the guilt of surviving when the other is stricken. He is even compelled to wish to substitute himself for the other, to put himself in (her) place—but it is too late. This is the torment of which Levinas speaks—the unavoidable responsibility to the other invoked by the shattering Other. It is impossible to evade this summons, which accuses one and even leads him to wonder just how much truth he can bear.

In moving from the ethics of human justice and compassion to personal psychology, one can observe how the traumatic impact of the Other destabilizes and shatters the ego’s narcissism, awakening the subject from his slumber. Such a violent blow often appears to the ego in forms that are dark and shadowy, or that threaten to obliterate its fixed orientation and need for certainty, its wish for everything to remain the same. For Levinas, the ego’s need to appropriate alterity—the other’s difference—and to reduce it to sameness is the origin of all violence: narcissism is violence. In those cases where the shattering encounter is successfully navigated, a restructuring of a man’s core of being occurs. An inner cohesion develops that enables him as an ethical subject to bear love’s separations, uncertainties, longing, as well as its closeness.

Here I propose a significant revisioning of Jung’s concept of the enigmatic Self, conceptualizing it as an idea akin to Levinas’s unknowable Other, where both, I contend, transcend subjective being and the boundaries of the psyche. I argue that this revised understanding of the Self provides the basis for what I have previously described as a unifying theory of the transcendence of narcissism.

• • • • •

Eros and the Shattering Gaze is concerned with men’s problems with love due to narcissism. While some of these difficulties are common to women as well, I will leave the exploration of the woman’s perspective to another. Similarly, I write primarily about heterosexual relationships, but many of these ideas can also be applied to homosexual relationships.

At the same time, though it focuses on narcissism in individual men, the book is not intended to be a textbook on the clinical theory and treatment of narcissism. Rather it is meant to bring to light the prevalence of narcissism in our culture and the possibilities for its transcendence. It does so through stories—stories old and new, epic and personal, fictional and historic. They include vignettes from my over thirty years of clinical experience as well as examples from a variety of cultural and historical sources, beginning with Apuleius and other Greek, Roman, and Biblical material and continuing through medieval romances to contemporary culture. Permission has been given in all case vignettes and each patient’s identity has been carefully disguised. Some case vignettes are composites. I have found films to be particularly helpful in illustrating the forms narcissism takes in contemporary love relations.

• • • • •

Eros and the Shattering Gaze consists of three parts, preceded by a Prologue that follows this introduction. The Prologue summarizes Apuleius’ story for those unfamiliar with it; the retelling of the tale is followed by the description of what I term the Eros template—that is, those narcissistic qualities illuminated in the character of Eros, or Amor, in his relationships to his mother, Venus, and to his lover, Psyche.9 Apuleius’ work offers important glimpses into the reversal of narcissistic states in men, and in doing so also provides the metaphorical entry points for the three parts of this book.

Part One is entitled, “Narcissism in the Romantic: The Mother, Her Son, His Lover.” These chapters depict how romantic and erotic desire for the instant but transient pleasures found in the lovers’ fusion enacts men’s earliest longing to return to the fantasy of a lost maternal paradise. The primitive development of these defensive and destructive forms of narcissism maintains and insulates men throughout life against the perceived threat of retraumatization that emotional depths or mutual relationships could initiate. Their desire seeks its ideal object through projections that colonize the individuality of the other, as the other is used for the colonizer’s own completion. This creates an inflated state of fusion in the couple.

Part Two, “The Predator Beneath the Lover,” shows how this fragile wholeness ultimately collapses. The object is discarded and devalued, leading to reactive attempts to restore the lost union through colonization and manipulation of a new object. As an alternative the subject withdraws into narcissistic encapsulation. Narcissism’s disavowal of the other’s human distinctiveness and mutuality in relationships can be viewed as a tyrannical maintenance of sameness that results in the annihilation of otherness. These obstacles to loving are portrayed in Ovid’s myth of “Narcissus and Echo,” where we see the tragic isolation of the person hopelessly ensnared at the surface of existence. He lives in desperate fear of contact, both with other humans and with his own internal depths. The existence of the other (Echo) is negated through a false sense of superiority. Part Two will enlarge upon these Ovidian themes.

In Part Three, “The Shattering Gaze,” we encounter the traumatic gaze of the Other, who is unknowable and transcendent. It may shatter the individual’s narcissistic omnipotence, whether it comes through unforeseen and unbearable tragedy, loss, or in the naked truth of revelations that seem too devastating or shameful to bear. Following this encounter, a resilient, emotional depth may evolve in a man, signifying the greater psychic cohesion needed to endure love and loss.

Notes
1 Apuleius, The Transformations of Lucius otherwise known as The Golden Ass. Translated by Robert Graves (NY: Noonday Press, 1951), 42.
2 Stephen Frosh, “Melancholy Without the Other,” in Studies in Gender and Sexuality 7(4) (2006): 368.
3 Jacques Lacan, “The Mirror Stage as Formative of the I Function,” in Ecrits, translated by Bruce Fink (New York: Norton, 2006), 78.
4 James Hillman, The Myth of Analysis (Evanston, IL: Northwestern University Press, 1972), 55.
5 The term “Other” stemmed from the philosophy of Hegel’s dialectic and gained contemporary relevance primarily from the work of  Jacques Lacan and Emmanuel Levinas. Lacan doesn’t see the Other in an infinite or transcendent way as Levinas does. Rather, he identifies the Other with the world of the Symbolic, which encompasses the cultural, social and linguistic networks into which the person is born, and from which subjectivity comes into being. The two men are similar in a general way, in that both privilege an ‘otherness’ that is already there at the origins of the subject, and from which the subject emerges. That is, for both, the ‘self’ is not an entity that is present from the beginnings of development. See Simon Critchley, Ethics, Politics, Subjectivity (New York: Verso Press, 1999), 198-216. See also Suzanne Barnard, “Diachrony, Tuche, and the Ethical Subject in Levinas and Lacan,” in Psychology for the Other, edited by Edwin E. Gant & Richard N. Williams (Pittsburg: Duquesne University Press, 2002), 160-181.
6 Simon Critchley, “Introduction,” in The Cambridge Companion to Levinas, edited by Simon Critchley and Robert Bernasconi (Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press, 2002), 6.
7 Jung may have had a similar idea of the Other in mind in his conception of the Self as ineffable and different from the ego, in a way that transcends even the psyche and is an infinite mystery disclosing itself only gradually over time. See the Glossary.
8 Adriaan Peperzak, To the Other: An Introduction to the Philosophy of Emmanuel Levinas (West Lafayette, IN: Purdue University Press, 1993), 89, 161.
9 My rendering and commentary is but one in a long line of previous and noted endeavors. Why have so many depth psychologists delved into the subject, and tried their hand at bringing new meaning to the myth, almost in the way that serious actors must all take a stab at Shakespeare? Simply put, we are all intrigued by a story that features as its star Psyche, the namesake of the profession to which we have all tethered ourselves. There must be some profound meaning we may yet discover in the relationship between Love and Psyche. For some examples see Erich Neumann, Amor and Psyche; Marie-Louise von Franz, The Golden Ass of Apuleius; Robert Johnson, She; James Hillman, Myth of Analysis; Donald Kalsched, The Inner World of Trauma; Polly Young-Eisendrath, Women and Desire.

ISBN 9781926715490, 310 Pages, Glossary, Index, Bibliography, Published by Fisher King Press

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    Thursday, July 15, 2010

    Romantic Love and the Love of God

    Romantic Love and the Love of God
    article by John R. Haule

    If puppy love is foolishness, a mature romantic love is full-blown madness. The lover has strayed from the highways and mainstreams of our placid and well-planned common life to build a solitary hut somewhere in a wilderness of disgraceful and deranged notions. There is no convincing the love-mad of their errors and delusions; they would rather disabuse us of ours. Whether love is an insanity grandiosely claiming to be wise, or a sublime wisdom masquerading as folly, seems not to admit of calm debate. We do not persuade one another about love. We find ourselves already lined up on opposite sides: one throng facing east, eyes sharp and clear; the other facing west, eyes hooded with scales.

    Although, aside from periods of famine, it is hard to imagine a time when eros did not occupy a prominent position in human culture and society, romantic love as we know it today is an outgrowth of the courtly ideal, which sprang up suddenly as a dominant theme in twelfth-century Europe. Denis de Rougemont’s classic book, Love in the Western World, traces its beginnings to one William IX, Count of Poitier and Duke of Aquitaine, who can be called the first troubadour. He wrote ribald songs boasting about his sexual prowess and kept a notorious woman, known as La Dangereuse, in a tower of his castle. When two of his repudiated wives formed a convent to liberate women from the servitude of sex, William retaliated by forming an anticonvent of courtesans whom he praised in songs resembling monastic hymns.

    This theatrical gesture turned out to be less silly than it may sound. William of Poitier and Aquitaine was a complicated man: petty, cynical, self-indulgent, insensitive and mean to his wives, but still high-minded and very much in earnest in other ways. His versifying and irreverent mockery was more than a passing whimsy for him; rather it drew him into a compelling and transformative lifelong project. His songs gradually began to shift from the lewd to the spiritual. Very likely the religious form of the monastic hymns he was satirizing exerted an influence on the imagery and ideas of his songs. For, although they retained their erotic quality, a different order of longing began to find expression in them.

    In particular, William started exploring an image he referred to as “The Unknown Lady.” From the day he first dreamed of her while out riding, his compositions began to voice a deeper aspiration underlying his promiscuity. The Unknown Lady assumed greater and greater importance as William came to know her better. She grew into a kind of erotic, mystical queen whom he served with his whole heart and soul. He did not know what difficulties and tasks she had in store for him, but he was burning to undergo them, so great was her worth. Obedience to her coincided with perfect fidelity to himself. “Through her alone,” he sang, “shall I be saved.”

    The fact that within a few years hundreds of troubadours were wandering about Europe indicates that the work of this satirical libertine had far more than personal implications. The songs expressed an important unconscious yearning in European culture as a whole. De Rougemont argues that there were two roots of this movement, both religious: one came out of a dualistic understanding of Christianity and the other from Islamic mysticism.

    The Christian movement was Catharism, a dualistic philosophy that held that God had created only the spiritual world, the good portion of reality, whereas Satan had created the material world intrinsically evil. The human condition, therefore, is characterized by the incarnation of a sublime spirit, and the primary task of human existence is to free that spirit from its imprisonment in an evil body. The Cathars quite logically condoned suicide and forbade sexual intercourse, which they saw as a demonic device to imprison free souls in bodies. They considered marriage an “organized vice” and favored celibacy as the best way to deal with human sexuality. Still they tolerated casual sex, especially sodomy, for these practices, while avoiding the imprisonment of souls, relieved instinctual pressures for the great majority of individuals who did not qualify to be counted among the elect.

    Catharism, therefore, requires a spiritualized love that denies or, at its weakest, tolerates the body. It finds expression in the fundamental principle of courtly love, whereby the knight dedicates all his efforts to the service of a lady he may have no hope ever of marrying. He is inspired by an erotic spirituality to do great deeds that advance both his kingdom and his own honor. Such a spiritual love exists outside of convention and free from the procreative instinct. In its most characteristic form, as we see in the stories of Tristan and Isolde or Lancelot and Guinevere, the most virtuous and powerful knight of the kingdom is the queen’s lover. Because they cannot be married, their love is forced into an essentially spiritual form, or else it is illicit.


    Unlawful as this love may be, however, the stories agree that God surely tolerates and may even actively favor the union. For example, in the story of Tristan and Isolde, the lovers are brought together again and again by fortuitous (God-directed) natural events, such as the currents of the sea and the birds of the air. They are saved from death and punishment by gusts of wind; and Isolde at one point passes a “divine judgment” by lifting a red-hot iron bar without burning her hands. When Tristan is bringing Isolde back home to be wed to his king, they inadvertently drink a love potion, and after this no power can dissolve their union. In one of the five earliest versions of the tale, Beroul’s Romance of Tristan, they are confronted by the Hermit Ogrin who tells them they are living in sin. They protest that it cannot be sin, as they have drunk a potion that puts it beyond the power of their wills to separate. The Hermit accepts the argument and takes them under his roof.

    The second cultural current that contributes to the tradition of romantic love in the West is Sufism, the mystical tradition in Islam. Although Islamic mysticism embraces a multitude of divergent doctrines, practices, and attitudes, the vast majority of Sufis hold that love is the only genuine way of coming to know God. Islam itself has even been called a “love-mad” religion (Schimmel, 1982: 11-13). In the Sufi view, “Everything in the world is in some mysterious way connected with Love and expresses either the longing of the lover or sings of the beauty and glory of the eternal Beloved who hides His face behind a thousand forms” (ibid., 77f.). Love between men and women is part of divine love, for the human experience both conceals and reveals the ultimate Lover and the ultimate Beloved. Indeed the love of God is really the only love there is. Divine love is the depth, meaning, and esoteric secret residing in profane love. The eleventh-century Sufi Ibn al-Arabi writes:
    It is God who in each loved one manifests himself to the gaze of each lover . . . for it is impossible to adore a being without imagining the divinity present in that being. . . . Thus it goes for love: a creature really loves no one but his Creator. (Corbin, 111)
    The romantic love that results from Cathar and Sufi currents, therefore, is a powerful expression of the human spirit. It is an ennobling bond between two human souls who are separated by physical, moral, and social constraints—typically in opposition to the rules of matrimony and liberated from the procreative instinct. Its sublime goal is a mature and individuated love of God. Just as God is one, so are we one with God and with one another when we love.
    Those on the way are almost invisible
    to those who are not. A man or a woman
    recognizes God and starts out. The others
    say he, or she, is losing faith.
    (Rumi, 1986: 44)
    We are, indeed, talking about a matter of faith—but not the kind of faith that can be written down as a set of propositions. Rather it is the faith that is rooted in our life experience. The Greeks called it gnosis: either you have had the experience, and know the truth about the invisible, or you have not. What is more, “gnostics,” the mystic cognoscenti, love their madness and believe it has peeled the scales from their eyes. Their opponents say that love has blinded them. This book sides with the madmen and explores their madness sympathetically: its rapture, its pain, its wisdom, its power to lead us astray, and its fiery pillar that leads us through the night of our ignorance toward a promised land that is glorious in ways we have not dreamed—but is generally not at all the way we had always imagined it would be.

    Perhaps the most articulate mad lover of all time was Jelaluddin Rumi, a thirteenth-century Muslim from Iran who fled the Mongols to Turkey, where he succeeded his father as an expert theologian and had a sizable following of orthodox believers. He scandalized them all, however, when one day a weirdly dressed mystic, or “Sufi,” appeared on the edge of his audience. This man, Shamsuddin of Tabriz, fascinated Rumi, who closeted himself with the newcomer to learn a more emotional and flamboyant way of loving God. He came out of seclusion dancing, and introduced musical instruments (forbidden to orthodox Islam) and the whirling dance of the dervishes to his skeptical followers. They killed Shams in hopes of getting back their beloved teacher; but divine madness, once experienced, cannot be renounced. Rumi became Islam’s greatest poet and most famous lover of God. He says,
    Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy,
    absent minded. Someone sober
    will worry about events going badly.
    Let the lover be.
    (1986: 7)
    Leave the lover alone because he or she is onto something the rest of us have missed. We find a sense of wholeness in love that reveals the poverty of life without it. Plato expressed these sentiments in his Symposium: he has Aristophanes relate a legend whereby we humans were originally round hermaphrodites, spheres with four arms, four legs, and two genders, each. In this time before time, we were whole and satisfied. But later we were separated into male and female halves, each going about restlessly in search of its mate—each of us haunted by an inchoate memory of the wholeness toward which our entire being tends. When we fall in love, we slip into feelings of oneness and completeness; our aching comes to rest. And when we lose our beloved, we plunge into an emptiness and insufficiency like nothing we have ever known before. From the outside, it looks like the most pitiful derangement, to suffer so at being no more than human. But the lover seems to have found a deeper truth. There is wisdom in that suffering—and a sublime kind of joy.
    When I am with you, we stay up all night.
    When you’re not here, I can’t go to sleep.
    Praise God for these two insomnias!
    And the difference between them.
    (Ibid., 1984: Quatrain 36)
    In the one case our beloved is so near us, and our enjoyment so important, intense, and soul-satisfying, that we cannot bear the vague parting that sleep brings. In the other case we actually love the insomnia and pain we experience during a night alone, for this binds us to our beloved in a new and no less significant way. Our beloved is present, also, in his or her absence. Even this pain is a blessing because it reveals another dimension of our union. We even find we need the separation in order to appreciate, by its contrast with the bliss of togetherness, the shaft of light that binds our minds and hearts and spirits. If we have ever fallen in love, we have known the agonizing bliss of union of which Rumi sings.

    Rumi and most of the other love-mad poets of Islam refer again and again to the legends of the human lovers Layla and Majnun to describe their own love affair with God. These legends were part of Middle Eastern folklore long before the coming of Islam in the seventh century. Although the stories are filled with a great number of incidents, there is no beginning, middle, or end of a single narrative. Majnun, whose name means “madman,” and Layla, whose name means “night,” are a pair of lovers who—like the Sufi and God—almost never see one another. She lives under the constant guard of her tribesmen, who would be dishonored if they were to let her wed such a tramp as Majnun. Meanwhile, he lives alone in the wilderness with only wild animals for companions. Love fills them both and makes them sensitive to the messages they hear in birdsongs and to the sounds of one another’s sighs carried for miles on the desert breezes. Gradually they discover that they have become more a single unified being than mere bodily togetherness could ever have effected. Because they have become one in soul and substance, they find that they no longer need to see one another face to face. The Persian poet, Nizami, collected most of the lovers’ legends into a single poem, which mainly follows the life of Majnun and observes how love transforms everything he is and does. He becomes, in fact, a kind of hermit troubadour:
    Love was glowing in [Majnun]. When it burst into flames it also took hold of his tongue, the words streaming unbidden from his lips, verses strung together like pearls in a necklace. Carelessly he cast them away. . . . Was he not rich? Was he not free? Had he not severed the rope which keeps men tied together? (Nizami, 1966: 126)
    Their oneness transforms them, painfully but gloriously; it also separates them from their fellow humans and makes them outcasts: “Once I was Layla . . . now I am madder . . . than a thousand Majnuns” (ibid., 145).

    According to the Sufi, this state is just as true of God-intoxication as it is of human love. It is a madness to be desired, because the Majnuns of the world are tuned in to a deeper reality than are the ordinary run of people. The true lover knows a different love and a different universe. . . .

    The previous article is an excerpt from Divine Madness: Archetypes of Romantic Love by John R. Haule who holds a doctorate in religious studies from Temple University. He is a Jungian analyst trained in Zurich and is a faculty member of the C.G. Jung Institute-Boston.


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    Friday, July 31, 2009

    The Father Spirit: At the Turning Point

    an article by Bud Harris, Ph.D.

    A Guide for Rediscovering and Renewing
    the Foundations of Fatherhood


    The Father Spirit at the Turning Point

    As I was reflecting on Fathers' Day this year and developing the material I'm going to use in a Fall lecture and workshop, "The Father Quest: A Guide for Rediscovering and Renewing the Foundations of Fatherhood," I was moved to write the following article. I titled it "The Father Spirit at the Turning Point." Good friends who publish Western North Carolina Woman magazine included it in their June issue; every year their June issue is "Honoring the Y Chromosome." Because of the enthusiastic response to the article, I've decided to share it with you. I hope that you will find it inspiring and enriching.

    A few mornings after Christmas my wife and I were sitting at the breakfast table with my daughter. While I slowly sipped my tea, she was explaining how the slump in the economy had impacted their holidays. As a family of five with three children, finding their income reduced substantially had ushered in a holiday stress that was new to them. When she finished talking she sighed and added, "I've given up any hope that we can leave our children any better off than we were."

    I was shocked by the discouragement in her voice. Leaving our children better off than we were when we started adult life has been a major part of the American Dream for as long as I can remember. I don't know how old that part of our dream is but I'm sure my father, who lived through the Great Depression, devoted much of his life to it. For his age-group, being sure your children went to college was considered a guarantee for the chance at a better life. My father's generation came out of the depression, World War II and the atomic age with a colossal yearning to create a healthy, sound world. They wanted their children to have lives that were smooth and prosperous. As we lived into the nineteen fifties our society and our families tried to make problems taboo. We wanted to have certainties. Or, rather, our parents wanted to have them for us even as the world was spiraling into the chaos of the nineteen sixties. I don't blame them for their longings because I know they were born out of the fear and traumas they endured and their desire to create a safer world for themselves and their children. Yet, this longing eventually became the root of their problems as it narrowed their perspective on life and now it has become the root of our problems as we have concretized the symbols of well-being onto financial success and material abundance.

    I can easily remember that in the nineteen seventies our societal goal was to have more leisure time for our families and recreation. But, as we moved into the recession and energy shortage of the early nineteen eighties our old economic terrors began to re-emerge and we refocused on becoming workaholics; the trend-setting movie of that decade was Wall Street, famous for the speech in it that "greed is good." Instead of being a warning, this movie forecast the future.

    The fear, anxiety and profound challenges that had caused a generation of men to become our "greatest generation" left them so wounded that they were unable to train and mentor their sons to be capable of meeting new challenges. My father and my coaches and teachers were more concerned that we be able to get "good" jobs than they were with teaching courage and the importance of character. They had lost track of the fact that the world is always spinning into a future of new challenges that we can rarely predict. This kind of a world can only be met effectively when we have learned something about the importance of having character, which includes love, openness, courage, integrity, and the respect for creativity. The dream of our Founding Fathers was to create a country where individuals could experience freedom, dignity, respect, equal protection under the law, the right to a representative government, the right to worship according to our own conscience and the pursuit of happiness. While this vision was imperfectly implemented it was the most profound social vision in history.

    Let us remember now that the reason we call these men the Founding Fathers is no accident. In archetypal terms it is the positive, inspiring Father Spirit that calls for transformation, a renaissance of the spirit of the times in the culture or in each of us. From the perspective of Jungian psychology it is the positive Father Spirit that has called me to transform myself and grow through and beyond the crises in my life, and it is the positive Father Principle (both coming from the same archetype) that demands I must give a personal response to new life and a protective field for it to grow in. This is an important part of the definition of father love whether it is to mother and child or to the concerns of culture. It is the responsibility of father love to build a place for new life to thrive in.

    Let us remember also that every archetypal image has a negative, destructive side as well as a positive, nurturing one. There is a negative destructive Father Spirit that we must watch out for. We have seen this image pictured in stories and movies. Darth Vader may be the one that is best known, or the father whose son committed suicide in Dead Poets' Society. Of course, some of us have experienced personifications of the destructive father spirit personally if our father was abusive or supported the Great Santini approach to sports, confrontation or aggression. The negative father spirit is also one that is fearful, afraid of being overwhelmed by life, and is therefore afraid of change, new life, and creative potentials. When we are possessed by this spirit we live in the illusionary hope that the way we did it in the past will be the best way to do it in the future.

    These descriptions of the negative father spirit remind me of the experiences of an old college friend. We went to Georgia Tech and he majored in industrial engineering. His father owned a plant that produced concrete blocks. My friend looked forward to the day he could join his father and uncles in the family business. After his graduation his father said he wanted to teach him the business from the ground up and he started him at a low-paying, nasty, back-breaking job in the plant. In reality, my friend learned to hate the business and the true nature of his father that he discovered in the process. He realized his father had no respect for his intelligence or achievements in a tough university, and little respect for his desire to be close to him. And he was unable to nurture his son's ability to bring a new spirit of creativity into the business. His father's interest in maintaining his power and superiority was more important to him than his love for his son.

    When my daughter spoke to me a few days after Christmas, I was too surprised to answer her very well. But after thinking about what she said I realized that we are at a turning point in history. I believe that we can leave our children and our grandchildren better off than when we entered adult life. But I also believe that our quest today is to leave them better off spiritually than we were. We can teach them more about reality than we were taught. We can help them learn while they are still in the safety of our love that life is full of uncertainty and anxiety, faith and nagging doubts, profound emotions, health and sickness, love, despair and grandeur. Our goal should not be to help them search for security but for competence in adult endeavors and for meaning along with the kind of passion that is soul deep rather than settling for the good life based on materialism. We must also teach by example or our efforts will be without substance.

    If we are going to leave them better off spiritually than we were, we must be living a life supported by a spiritual purpose that is more profound than appearances, the security of fundamentalism, practices that help us avoid looking into our own souls, or the naïve answers of groups immersed in positive thinking. We should be able to show by how we live that we are aware of our ability to confront our deepest fears and hopes, our joys and sorrows, our wounds of love and how we've failed our own ideals at times. And, as our children mature we must be able to share some of what we've learned from these experiences.

    The new president we've elected symbolizes a turning point. So far, he is facing our many problems with foresight and intelligence. I'm impressed that he doesn't see war as the solution to every problem ranging from cancer to terrorism. It is about time we learned, or relearned the lesson from our Founding Fathers, that masculine strength, wisdom and courage, when used in support of life's greatest principles, can overcome the efforts of mighty empires whose major focus is on power and commerce.

    Our new president is a symbol of the new potential that has been aroused in our country. But, he is not a savior and he knows it. We must answer our own call to transform our model of living into one that isn't based on the fear of losing our never-ending material growth. The Father Spirit at its best calls us to look for balance and depth, for spiritual growth to balance our material growth and spiritual depth to provide the meaning that can give purpose and support to our lives-because neither the material alone nor the spiritual alone can give us the needed fullness of life.

    We are also in a dangerous time. When great new potentials are born, the forces of the old order are threatened and fight back. Just as King Herod slaughtered the innocents, all of the new creative potentials he could get his hands on, the voices of conventional wisdom, of fear and the status quo, will fight viciously to retain their power and control. But, this is an era for men to live with new courage, creativity and love-in the support of life. I am looking forward to seeing my grandsons live into this world, and I want to do everything I can to help prepare them for it and it for them.


    The Father Quest: Rediscovering and Elemental Force
    by Bud Harris
    ISBN 978-0-9810344-9-2
    Available from your local bookstore, a host of online booksellers, and directly from Fisher King Press by phoning 1 831-238-7799.